Loss Of Me
by Aeris-the-Dark
Summary: Ah, happiness. Such a diffucult topic. Especially when you know so little of it... Anyways, Steiner proposes to Beatrix two years after the Terra incident. She resopnds, but not without retelling past memories to her suitor...


And yes, I know that neither the characters nor the song the story came from belong to me. They are Square's. Yay Square! But the lament/story continued is mine.  
  
Have you forgotten? Look at me. I'm a wreck, pure and simple. But I wasn't always the stoic commander you see before you today. Don't you remember? I was once human myself. I guess you could never really tell through all the scars and war cries. I too was one of the very lackeys I command to this day, and even worse at times. I never told anyone this, but I feel that you should know the truth. I was born nothing more than a poor minstrel's daughter. My mother perished on my fifth birthday at the tusks of a wild Zaghnol. We were simply traveling to Lindblum for a surprise vacation. It never touched my father, but I barely escaped with my life after it gored my left leg. Father said that Mother was sleeping and that the nymphs were going to take her to a better place. Needless to say, I have tried my best to regain a tall stature and massive pride like the one you see before you. We traveled around Alexandria trying in desperation to make a break financially. Sometimes we even received pity money off of my crippled leg. When Her Majesty was brought here, my father and I decided to perform for the child. Even though I was young myself, the Queen was impressed with my aptitude. She offered to take me in and educate me in the ways of fealty and knighthood. My father wanted the best for me, so he gratefully accepted. I don't know what happened to him after that. I used to think that he went off to find Mother, and I guess in the end he did. I never saw him again. Before he left, he gave me his favorite lute. I didn't know how to play then, but you taught me everything I know now about it. For a lad of 19, you were quite skilled in many things. Those nights spent under the stars where all that could be heard was the sound of our music did not occur for naught. You could say that when I first met you, I lost a part of myself. I did away with the vagrant me, fearful and afraid after living on the streets.  
  
We've known each other for quite a while then, maybe 16 years? We've had some fond memories together, you and I. You always used to look at me with those solid eyes and laugh when you saw me limping. I remember the time when the Princess and I put sleeping powder in your ale and put makeup all over your snoring face. It was worth the chase afterward to see your beautified mug. Even the Queen herself was amused with our antics. You watched patiently as Doctor Tot brought full strength to my wounded leg, and whacked it with a stick when no one was looking. The Queen looked to me as another daughter, and you scowled when I received the praise you so desired. Yet no matter how much we taunted one another, we always came out as allies. I think it was that bond that has brought us here now. As I began to rise through the ranks in the army, you followed suit in your own regiment. That is why you started the Knights of Pluto, isn't it? You just wanted to prove you were as good as I was, even though you had a ten-year advantage. When I was promoted to General, you were furious, yet I saw the smile in your eyes at my promotion ceremony. You were happy for me, just as I had always been happy for you. Through it all, the Princess grew right before me. On the day I was sworn in as General of the Alexandrian Army, I vowed to stand by her side until death break my bonds of fealty. I'm sure you did the same when you were made Captain. Princess Garnet Til Alexandros the 17th... She was quite the lovely maiden, and still is to this day. Every soul wanted to look at her, to bask in her fleeting presence. Until her 13th birthday, everyone saw us as Beatrix and Garnet, best friends, even sisters. But on that day, I lost a part of me. I was now alone, with no one to share my feelings with. However, even though we were not as close as we once were, I still chose to remain by her side. Such is my nature, I suppose.  
  
Then the dark days of Alexandria began. That monster Kuja showed up on a winter morning and caused quite the disturbance. After that as you know, the Queen was never quite herself until the end of her days. Still, I remained to do what I was brought up to do: protect my home. No matter how simplistic or odd the task, I would follow every order given. What I didn't know was that with every day I was in the Queen's service, I lost a little bit more of my soul. There was one day though that stood out in my mind as a revival of the Queen's heart. It was my 21st birthday. She approached me with a small smile on her face and gave me my sword. "Save The Queen," she called it. It was used to do just that, but so much worse as well. She had never been that nice to the Princess since the day Kuja came. I was grateful, greedy, and power-hungry. All those lives... the humans, the Burmecians, the Cleyrans, the innocent creatures... all fell to the sword named in honor of the one driving the madness. Then there was that night... the one of the magnificent performance. It was Her Majesty's 16th birthday. You were jumping around the place like crazy after you claimed the Princess disappeared. I thought nothing of it, only seeing the situation as a ploy for you to rescue her and win more respect in the Queen's eyes. I wasn't impressed. But when you tried to swing from the banners and crashed into the castle wall, I have to admit I was highly amused. Just like old times. Your performance during the play as the clueless knight with the sole intention of doing his job was nothing short of hilarious. But I knew that even if I giggled, the Queen would have my neck. After you left Alexandria with the kidnapped Princess, I didn't know what to do. It felt like I had died. When you went away, I knew I had lost myself. My mind was full of doubt. My heart was full of hate. My spirit had become blackened and only knew blood. For months I aided the Queen in any way necessary, slaughtering hundreds to keep her selfish desires tended to. After her most horrible death, you moved on while I stayed behind. You went on a grand adventure, and I only caught up to you in the end. For that, I am very jealous.  
  
It has been two years since the day you saved our world, along with your wonderful friends. You have my eternal gratitude for doing what I ultimately could not: protecting the Princess when she needed it most. She lives to this day, all because of you. As you well know, she released me from her service the day of her coronation, but I will not fail to aid her when she requests it be done. I am her friend, now and forever more. She accepted and forgave me for bringing such travesty to the world and its denizens, and has given me a new chance at life. And now, I return to my old home to find you here waiting for me. You offer a ring, in exchange for my trembling hand in matrimony. To be frank, I am speechless, totally bewildered, in awe. It seems that you too have seen through my sins and repented me in your solid, loving eyes. Through it all, only now do you know who I am, how I have dealt with the gradual loss of me. And still you sit patiently waiting for my answer, hoping that I will give in and accept your love. There is nothing more to say than I shall, but only if you help me regain myself. 


End file.
